Halcyon (2020)

when I find myself falling victim to my own sadness

I find that I change the linen on my bed

I play my records and I sway

the music and the smell of floral sheets take me

somewhere else, somewhere far from here

perhaps somewhere with a pebble-stoned driveway,

a big silver metal gate and a tall steel green letterbox

I used to think that I could only ever write poetry when I was feeling sad

but that's not true, for I am writing this with freshly cut

yellow flowers on my nightstand

and a new record on my turntable

the things I did when I was happy

my friend told me that it's good that life is strange, often unfair

and sad at times, it keeps everything new and interesting,

something about the unknown,

how boring life would be if it was predictable

it's hard to be eclectic or extraordinary, but I won't stop trying

I hope, as the grandfather clock on my wall chimes nine times

while the keys on my typewriter hit the page

and I'm beginning to drift off into sleep as I type these final lines

and when I do, I know I will think of you, of the house,

of the memories, I no longer get to make

but something has changed, and I will not let myself become

consumed by my grief because I still have memories I get to keep

I know that you and your wife had a beautiful life together

that it's something I can hope and wish for,

for my brother and sister, for my cousin,

and for myself